Fountain of Joy

 Have you ever gone digging under your bed for something?   Maybe you don't consider that good storage space, but in our house it's prize real estate for beloved sweatshirts, Marine Corps stuff, ancient bible study workbooks and those treasured high school class pictures that come rolled up in a tube.  I was on a hunt the other day for who knows what now, and I came across a journal I wrote in high school english class.  Rereading it reminded me in a fresh way that I have always enjoyed writing, sculpting words to paint pictures in my mind.

But I stumbled on something unexpected.  A poem. Called "Fountain of Joy."  It caught my breath because I don't remember who I was back in high school.  Yeah, I remember goofing around with Karen and Maria in a fabric store, not paying any attention while watching Plano football games, and our Millard Fillmore AP History club.  But my soul?  I probably would have told you even then that I'm on this planet because I'm a good listener and here to help people.  The reality was that I had no problem telling people what to do with their lives.  Now I'd call it controlling and arrogant wrapped up in a smile and a hug. 

So who was I?  (Funny, I ask the same question at 46.)  Reading this poem was like uncovering the dusty pages of a fairy tale and reading a beautiful story of a princess set free and then coming to the end and finding out the heroine was me all along. 



Fountain of Joy

Myriad colors etched with care 'cross the sky

softly wave goodbye to the moon and his companions.

The paint splashes on me, and awakening

I absorb the freshness of the new day,

thankful to be alive!

With God's truth in my soul, and His hand gently leading me,

each day is a new beginning.

Joy inexpressible overflows from my inner well,

spilling its radiance on those around,

as a spring gushes forth sweet water

to quench the earth's desire.

The glory of God's creation makes me stand in awe,

and feel special, just to be--

me.

This worn out soul needed to be reminded of who I really am.  Why I'm really here.  The beauty I had long forgot.  So many times since high school I've wondered if anyone "saw" me.  The Avatar way.  My favorite line in that wild movie happened when they would greet each other saying, "I SEE you."  In to you.  Who you are.  All of you.  And I like it.

And here I was looking at a mirror of myself.  It was as if God was shouting, "I see you!  I always have.  And there was a time when you saw too.  Don't forget Elaine.  Oh please don't forget. I will remind you again and again.  For as long as it takes." 

Is it coincidence that my favorite entry in the devotional "Come Away My Beloved," is Turn Your Face Toward the Sunrise?  Or that me and my kids have always said "God's painting" when the sun rises and sets?  That He put our home facing east on a lake? That my favorite part in Narnia is when Aslan breathes on the icy statues?  That I have craved to know a gentle God?  and finally that when I asked God to reveal to me a picture of 'my greatness,' He flashed an image of a forceful fountain shooting into a starry sky onto my mind's eye. 

But honestly what touched me most, were the references to "joy" and "sweet."  Not this avatar, no way.  Really?  Seems like I fight so hard to grasp these, but they're just out of reach.  Then I remembered what others have prayed over me in recent years:  "Father let the sweetness in this family line break out," and "It is good. It's OK to cry it out.  For the joy of the Lord is your strength."  What's my first daughter's middle name? Joy.

Thank you Abba, that You are like that good friend who gently whispers my song back to me when I have forgotten.  Its been dust covered far too long.  Blow Your fresh Spirit of life on me!  Revive this ancient statue.

Heart Whispers

Do you know how powerfully beautiful you are? 

"Still" Abandoned? Discouraged?

In my last post I wrote about taking a long, loving look at God in the midst of horns blaring and tires screeching. What's blaring in your life? God hears. And wants to be right in the middle of it. I'm so glad He understands what the end of my rope feels like. I heard someone say about a friend, "she's the knot at the end of my rope." That's what He is for us! Sometimes climbing up out of a pit begins with realizing Jesus is right there with you.

If any of you are interested in studying this word "still" further, I'm writing the definitions and the references. I'd encourage you to do some of your own study and ask Abba to turn His "logos" word into a "rhema" encounter (that's Greek for when the words jump off the page into your mouth and you feel kissed by God!).

"Rapah"-(#8332 Goodrick-Kohlenberger numbering system, #7503 Strong's)

1. to be slack, be remiss, be idle- Exodus 5:8,17

2. to be weak, be feeble- Jeremiah 49:24

3. to desist- Deut. 9:14; Jdg 11:37

4. to sink down, to be despondent,

be disheartened

5. to be lazy- 2 Chron. 15:7

6. to disarm- Job 12:21

7. to let alone, abandon, desert- Deut. 4: 31, 31: 6,8; Joshua 1:5

8. to leave off, quit- Nehemiah 6:3

9. to relax- Exodus 4:26; Ne. 6:9

10.to abate- Judges 8:3

11.to stop (i.e. to let down the hand)- 2Sam. 24:16

12.to let someone go- Job 7:19; 27:6; Songs 3:4

13.to remain- 1 Sam. 15:10

14.to discourage- Ezra 4:4; Jer. 38:4

15.to still - Psalm 46:10

16.The basic idea of relaxing the hands or letting down can connote the loss of courage-

2Samuel 4:1, Isaiah 13:7, Jer.6:24, 50:43; Ezekial 7:17, 21;7; Zephaniah 3:16

Be Weak and Know

At this moment my dog is limping, my legs are aching, my butt is itching, the kids are fighting, my parents' health is failing, and the sky is raining. Does anyone else feel that assaults just keep coming one after the other to you and the people you love? Maybe its just because I'm a "grown up" now (I hope!), and I'm more aware of the struggles of life, but I don't think life was this hard twenty years ago.

Think of your friends. I used to avoid "crisis" people. You know, the ones who always seem to be struggling with something. It happens so often you wonder if they don't create some of their mess. Or at least look comfortable sitting in their pigpen (I think of the Peanuts character "Pig Pen.") But now, those crisis people seem to be us! If I get victory in my marriage, then my parents fall apart. If my health improves, then one of my kids breaks out in some mysterious rash, or the dishwasher shuts down, and then the van dies. Three of my closest friends have unexplainable physical problems. Another three have heartbreaks in their families with prodigal children. Often others are crying on the other end of the phone line that they just don't know how to go on. Wouldn't it be easier to pull up the covers and disappear?

In the midst of the whirlwind, we're encouraged to "be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10). That phrase often conjures up bucolic (cool word-look it up) scenes in my minds' eye of restful shepherds strumming on harps in open fields. And yet "still" is last thing I feel and the last thing I think I can work toward. The world screams loud. My pain drowns out the "still, small voice of My Beloved." How God do I find you in the fire?

The Message even paraphrases this verse: "Step out of the traffic-take a long loving look at me, your High God, above politics, above everything." Yet I wonder if God is right in the middle of the gridlock? So I looked again at the verse. Only this time I looked to the Hebrew language. I found my Key Word Study Bible and found the word for "still" in the Hebrew- "rapah." I was stunned as I read all the other definitions of this little word. Fifteen definitions and 29 references, not including our "still" passage. If you search, you'll hear it screamed out of Pharaoh's mouth in Exodus 5:8 as well as in the pleading voices of Isaiah and Jeremiah.

My paraphrase goes something like this:

"Be weak, despondent and useless,

terrified, abandoned and alone

and know that I AM God."

It may seem strange, but I can sink down into that couch. I pull God's warm blanket of seeing me in the mess and know that He is right in the middle of all my loose ends. The expanded definition of "rapah" involves a sense of being completely discouraged. I picture the Israelites sunk down to the ground, hands and heads hanging limp, feeling forgotten, at their wits' end. This word describes their terror at coming judgment and their absolute sense that there is nothing they can do. BUT God, says take a long, loving look at who I AM. I am in control, I am good, I am willing, and I AM powerful while the world is swirling around you and within you.

We don't have to wait until life calms down into a pool of quiet water before we can find God. Or He can find us. I'd love to know what is swirling around you right now . . .

What's in a Name?

Have you ever wondered what your name means? Maybe when you were naming your children you pulled out a "baby name" book. Amanda means "beloved," while Karen means "pure." Matthew is "gift of God."

Names are important to God. We all may know several names He calls Himself-Yahweh, El Shaddai, Jehovah-Rapha. Jesus' name itself means, "God saves." Would it surprise us to know Almighty God hid His divine plan in geneology? The Jews repeatedly spoke the lists of forefathers of the Hebrew faith. Even the book of Matthew and Luke record Jesus' lineage through Mary and Joseph.

As the Jews recited the lists, I wonder if they thought of the meaning of the names in the mundane. Did they yawn their way through the synagogue exercise? Or possibly did they hear the cry of the Almighty through the ages? If they did lean in, they'd hear the Throne room whisper:

"Man is appointed unto mortal sorrow. But the blessed God came down teaching and initiated by his death . . .to bring with power to the poor and despairing . . . comfort and rest. The celebrated name, redeems us from darkness and brings us forth into an enlarged place."

Adam: earthly man

Seth: appointed

Enosh: mortal sorrow

Kenan: mourned

Mahalalel: (but) the blessed God

Jared: descended, teaching

Enoch: (and) initiated

Methuselah: by his death to bring

Lamech: with power to the poor and despairing

Noah: comfort/rest

Shem: the celebrated name (through Jesus line)

Ham: (He redeemed us from) darkness and heat

Japeth: (and brought us forth into) an enlarged place

Amazing!! Hidden in plain sight. And why am I surprised? "He replied, 'The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. . . . But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see and did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it." (Matthew 13:11-12, 16-17)

Heavenly Father, grace me to hear what You are whispering in the obvious and the hidden in my life! I am desperate for Your "more" in me-

He Comes in Country Cathedrals

Where do you go to meet God? What refreshes your soul? Moving water or moving chords and colors? The beautiful thing is that Abba finds you everywhere you find pleasure- the cathedral or the country. He encountered me, captured me, captivated me on our recent trip to Colorado. Beyond words. Beyond time. Above this earth. I've never been deeper or higher. And I'm wrecked, ruined again for ordinary.

"The desert and the parched land will be glad. The wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom. It will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it. . .they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.

Strengthen the feeble hands. Steady the knees that give way.

Say to those with fearful hearts-be strong, do not fear.

Your God will come.

He will come with vengeance, with divine retribution.

He will come to save you!

Then will the eyes of the blind be opened

and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

Then the lame will leap like the deer

and the mute tongue will shout for joy.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness

and streams in the desert.

The burning sand will become a pool,

the thirsty ground, bubbling springs.

I will satisfy the priests with abundance,

and my people will be filled with my bounty.

I will refresh the weary and

satisfy the faint."

(Isaiah 35, Jeremiah 31)

What do you long for? Are you weary? What have you lost that you ache for Jesus to give back? Where do you want Him to come for you? "Behold, He comes . . ."

I will come again and again and again over the mountains leaping like a gazelle for you, My love- 'til you are refreshed with My kisses, My sustaining kisses. You were right to come- come to My well. Don't apologize for doing what you want. Wait on Me. Trust in Me. For I will have My way. You need only to hold on. Live. Breathe. Move-stop apologizing for the air you breathe. This is a new way. Living on the edge of a cliff-not the cliff of doom or despair. You can't call anyone back from that edge, only I can. I will romance them and woo them back.

You so want to be someone's little girl. You keep looking to all these other authorities. You miss my authority and strength I have called you to walk in. You allow yourself to be intimidated-so afraid of getting it wrong-getting Me wrong. Looking outside for people to tell you who you are. Instead I want you to come to Me to know who you are and whose you are, and walk in the beauty and joy I have placed in you before the world began. You're My little girl. Mine only. Now walk in it. Live in Me. Put your gaze back on Me. Lock and load your eyes on Me, not anyone else!

Thank you Jesus for coming right at the point of my need, my pain, my weariness. Only You can satisfy. And you do it so beautifully!

Take Flight