Monday, May 2, 2011

Abba's Lap

I really don't know how to begin.  To be honest this post is really more for me than for you.  I want to put into black and white one of the most amazing encounters with Jesus and Father God I''ve ever had.  It was during the Captivating Retreat last October at Frontier Ranch outside of Denver.  A number of times they sent us off to answer a question in God's presence.  This was the longest, hardest question I've ever asked.  And yet, my lips hadn't formed the words.  I knew He had shown me, "who fathers the drops of dew" the year before.  He became safe and good, but I heard the Father's voice more like a faint echo bouncing off canyon walls.  Significant, powerful, yes.  But thin.  I honestly wasn't sure if the echo wasn't my own.  In this vision, Abba Father was unmistakeable.  Front and center.  My Isaiah 6 moment.  The train of His robe filled the temple.

Behold He comes . . . .I see you Jesus riding on a horse straight for me--like Aragorn--I'm in a white gown with gold trim.  You extend your hand and grandly pull me on with you, my royal gown swirling behind.
       "Let Me take you to the Father.  You'll like Him too.  He's really kind.
        I promise.  He's full of laughter, smiles and tickles.  And crowns.  Lots of them. 
        And sparkles.  He won't make you work.  You can rest.  Run and play little rabbit.
        He's the King I tell you-from The Quiltmaker's Gift," Jesus whispers.

        "You are fuzzy, Elaine.  Like the lambs I hold close to my heart.  Soft.
          Remember you are that soft spot.  Come child.  Climb into my lap.
          I will never hurt you.  I promise.  I am not angry with you.
          I never was.
          Believe Me, Child.  Right here.  In this place.  I am not angry," Abba pleads.

I've never really climbed in your lap, Abba, I lament.

          "I know.  And I've waited.  Waited for you to know I AM safe.  I am the Father of
          the night dew.  There is nothing harsh about Me.  Nothing abrasive.  I'm sorry your father
          doesn't know who I am or how to love.  It's not what I planned for you."

What did you plan?

          "Soft.  And "when she landed the little rabbit came down soft" (from The Velveteen Rabbit).  In your fall, I will stay.   Right here-wiping away your dirt with My tears.  Never shaming.  Nor should-ing."

I have no answer Dad to all the should's.  There must be something wrong with me.
Remember--"I'm right, you're wrong.  You stink," he sarcastically joked.

           "Elaine, let's put to death now and forever that there has been anything
            wrong with you.  Let Me be your happy thought.  I'm not upset with you.  I AM
            safe.  I have no sharp edges.  I don't have to be carefully kept.  And I don't
            break easily.  If praise is like perfume, I'll lavish Mine on you.  Elaine, you smell
            good.  You never stunk.  And I don't either.  I receive you and breathe you in. 
            Elaine, I pour My love on you.  Like oil upon your feet, like wine for you to drink,
            like water from My heart.  Don't you get it??  I loved you FIRST!  Now let Me.
            I'll pour My love on you, and My love is neverending.  Do cool waters ever cease
            to flow?  Come up higher My beloved.  You've become My soul's delight.  Here with
            you I find My life.  Sit.  I am running after you!  Sit with Me here and let Me hold you.
            I never left you.  I want to hold you for a long time, Elaine.

            You've become My joy and My song.  Proclaim it.  From the roof!  I've made you to
             be a mouthpiece. Don't let the enemy steal what I have put in you.  I will guide you.
             I wanted this deeper healing for you.  I wanted you to know Me as Papa, as Daddy.
             You don't have to perform, but I sure love watching you twirl!  I can't keep My eyes
             off you!"

I am undone.

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