Monday, July 5, 2010

Risky Business

How are you at risking? hopefully better than me. Often I like to play it safe-with new clothes, recipes, even nail polish. In college I boasted that I'd love to skydive. Now as a mom of three, I can't even imagine it! I don't even like getting on a bike. The rollerblades I bought lasted three days before they found a new home. I didn't want the emergency room to be mine.

Watching my children, I realize they have not lost the desire to fly. Just this morning my ten year old son was pouring out the contents of a firecracker onto a paper towel. It was called "Happiness." He announced tht he was going to "make his own happiness!" After laughing at the irony of that statement, I realized he wanted to build his own new and improved firework. He had no doubt that it would work. I didn't either which is why I suggested he take it outside.

And my girls at this moment are mesmerized by Barbie's 3 Musketeers-I didn't know fans, ribbons, and necklaces wield such dangerous power! I guess Barbie and my daughters know something I don't: believe in yourself, be determined and don't give up. If you believe and work hard, you can be anything!

When does this confidence leave us? I'm not sure. Somewhere between the funny looks at the talent show and the "D" on a college exam. Or maybe when a boyfriend in college read what I had written in my journal and then pronounced that I seemed "full of myself." Risking then my dreams and my heart now seems impossible. I worry too much if my weird self will be received. Will I really have the ability to create a book? All I focus on is my inabilities; is it possible to write and meet God at the computer? Do I really believe I have something to offer? Can I ever stop censoring myself? What would it be like to write and never hit the delete key? Or talk with my husband and friends and not second guess everything I said? Can I really write a blog that doesn't wrap up in a neat little bow? I think I'll take the risk . . . .

1 comment:

Tammy Harms said...

Take it! You are such a light Elaine. You reach people by being you. Plain and simple. YOU. ALL YOU. I don't respond well to neat little bows. I have a feeling not many people do ;)